3 weeks....

Today Liam is 3 weeks old...sometimes I still stare at him in awe that he's even here....I can't believe we've been blessed with this angel. I even have thoughts sometimes like "how did one little fertilized egg the size of a pin head turn into these sweet little ears, this perfect little nose,etc." I can't wrap my head around his creation and I can't stop my heart from swelling beyond its borders with love for him. Sometimes it feels like he's always been with us and then I write he's only 3 weeks old today and it blows me away.
At three weeks, he's starting to finally get on a good schedule. He sleeps at 3-5 hour stretches just depending on his mood that day and he's eating like a champ. Breastfeeding is going incredibly well and I'm starting to get a little nervous about when I return to work that somehow it will mess that process up. Hopefully I can start to establish a schedule with that as well so when I do go back we have a smooth transition. He's also a very strong little boy already. Constantly gripping our fingers, kicking his legs and holding his head up a lot!
He makes the funniest faces and I keep thinking I see a smile creeping in when we "talk" to each other. I also love his songs...he sings....honestly he does....his cooing sounds like a song....the boy is starting his music career already! Makes a mama proud!

This weekend is Mother's Day.....I can't believe I can celebrate this holiday....I'm a mother...holy cow that sounds weird. I am so blessed to mother this child....I heard a great quote the other day.....That "children are not ours...they belong to God but that God chooses earthly guardians to watch over and teach his angels until He can care for them." I am so honored to be Liam's guardian, his mother, his cheerleader.....He is certainly my perfect angel, my monkey, my sweet baby, my son.

Liam's arrival....

We're a little over a week into this new life with Liam and I haven't until now figured out when I can put him down long enough to get on the computer. We're working out the details everyday and are so in awe of this miracle that has been placed before us.
On Friday, April 16th, I woke with stabbing back pains at about 6:30am....I tried to ride them out for awhile but realized a shower sounded great. Adam had already headed out to work that morning so I was alone to figure this out for a bit. Was it the real thing? After weeks of being on bedrest and false contractions, I knew this was different when I was nearly brought to my knees in the shower from the pain. I called Katie, my sister-in-law/doula, and she was on her way to help. I remember calling Adam and saying "honey, I think this is the real thing....we're going to meet our baby boy today." I could sense both the excitement and fear in his voice and he was working on making his way back home. For the next hour, I sat downstairs alone on my yoga ball....it was the only thing that I could sit on for any relief and I breathed through every contraction and wave that followed. They seemed pretty easy at the time but I was definitely concerned that I felt nothing in my belly-just all in my back. By the time Katie and Adam arrived I was having them every 5 minutes for an hour so we decided it was time to call the doc.
When I arrived to the doctors office, I was in so much pain I had to stop along the way to breathe through some contractions before we could even get on the elevator. This little man was determined to get out quick!
I was still only 3cm and 90% effaced at the doctors office but Dr. Rogers decided to admit us anyway to the hospital and was fairly certain we'd have a baby by the end of the day at the rate I was progressing.
Within 2 hours, we were settled into our room in Labor and Delivery and I had already progressed to 4 1/2 centimeters. The pain was unbearable.....I finally had to ask for an epidural....I think if I'd had a "normal" labor with no back pain it might have been a bit different but I was down for the count and feeling like I had a stabbing knife in my back with every contraction. Within minutes, I was being prepped for my epi and as soon as it took effect I was a new woman. I was even able to catch a quick nap as we waited. Within 2 hours, I had progressed to 6 centimeters and again 2 hours later, the nurses were telling us "You're at 10!!! It's time to prep you to push!" We couldn't believe it-I clearly remember the look on Adam's face-one of sheer disbelief and excitement all at once....it all had happened so fast and we were about to see our Liam face to face finally.
By this point, I couldn't feel a thing.....I do remember after pushing that I said out loud..."why was that so easy?"
Dr. Rogers arrived.....they told me to push and even at one point to slow down because he was making his debut so fast! Within 30 minutes, I was holding Liam in my arms....We had specifically asked for nothing to be done to him for a long time....we wanted to savor the moment so he was placed on my bare skin right out of the womb. I remember looking to my left and seeing Adam weeping....tears of happiness and joy and I clearly remember Liam laying down on my chest, and gripping my fingers with his little hands while looking up at me with his big blue eyes. I was enamored, infatuated and so in love all at once. The feelings are hard to describe....had I really just done that? How was that just inside of me and now 2 seconds later I'm holding his hands? The next hour was a bit of a blur....Adam cut the cord and was able to give Liam his first bath. We have it all on tape and it was the sweetest of sweet moments. We then took time, just the 3 of us, as a family before any other family or friends were allowed in the room. We played Dave Matthews Band on repeat in the background and just stared in awe of our little miracle.
Liam's birth was incredible....couldn't have asked for a better experience....all the docs and nurses were amazing and now we have this little boy to care and love on. I'm still in awe....I'm still trying to pinch myself to make sure it's real everyday. We are so very blessed as a family of three!

He's finally .....

HERE!!!!!

WILLIAM BRAFMAN PHILLIPS
APRIL 16TH AT 6:49 PM
8lbs  20.5 inches

My hero....

7 years.....we've been together 7 years this year.....In that time, I have watched a young, fresh faced right out of college boy turn into a man that provides, loves, lives his truth and is the bravest person I know. I've never known someone as selfless as he is, as honest as he is, who gets me to my core and makes me a better person. I've never had someone call out my faults in a positive manner in order to build me up when I can't myself and who lovingly is patient with me even when I know he wants nothing more than to just throw his hands up sometimes. My husband....my best friend, my comedian, my support team, my cheerleader, my brutal honesty, my caring soul, my strong arms and now the father of my child.

This past week, Adam was home from work because his school was out for Spring Break. It was supposed to be his break, his time to relax, his time away for a bit. However, our recent turn of events with little Liam have proved quite the challenge in our house and Adam stepped up in a way that I can never thank him for enough. The plan originally was for me to work up until the baby was born, but some definitely unforseen events have turned the end of my pregnancy into bedrest. The doctor has called it modified bedrest but qualified that as me getting up long enough to eat something and use the bathroom. No housework, no errands, no anything...just laying down....all the time. It's very hard for someone who is used to doing so much and being always on the go to have someone say, "let me help you." I'm so used to giving of myself because I love caring for others and when Adam has been sick, and continues to be sick with his ulcerative colitis or his unending battle with Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, I have always been able to say I can do it, you rest, I'll take care of it.
I watched him this week as he selflessly stepped in, stepped up and stepped out of his comfort zone to make this time for me as easy as possible. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, honey do lists, the never ending circle of making a house run. All while dealing with his own pain, gritting his teeth and catering to my every whim even when I tried to fight him on it. I've watched him grow as a leader, the spiritual head of our household and sometimes more recently the emotional rock as I have dealt with the end of this pregnancy and just plain being mean and moody. He works so hard to provide and to care for us and I cannot wait now to be able to watch him with Liam.

Adam is going to be the best father...he will show him right from wrong, how to be strong and step out in faith, how to be brave, when to back down and when to step up, he will encourage him, love him and be his discipline when it's needed. He will teach him how to stand out even in the face of adversity when all of the cards are against him and how to prosper in the end of the experience as a better person. He will show him the world, his love for animals, sports, all things cars, shoes and mountains. Most of all he will show him music....I imagine them dancing in our living room, Liam rockin' out with his daddy to the latest and greatest and still appreciating the finer arts such as plays, musicals, museums and culture. Adam has taught me so much of these things in the short time we've been together and I can't wait to watch him, my hero, become Liam's hero.

Liam is destined to be a football player....

I'm still writing from bed rest.....I have been doing everything the doctors have told me to do. Lay down, lay down, lay down....sitting doesn't count.....We've had a few adventures over the past week....so as boring as bed rest is, at least it's been somewhat exciting at times.
On Good Friday, we started noticing that Liam wasn't moving at all really. He's normally pretty active, especially at night, right before we head to bed. We called Katie, Adam's sister and my doula, and she asked that I lay down and start doing kick counts for a bit. The goal is to have 10 movements over a 2 hour period and of course our stubborn boy had about 3. So we called the nurse at our office and she said we'd done the right thing by calling. She wanted us to head to the hospital just to get things checked out. So off we went....to the hospital for the first time since our parenting classes. I was really nervous....arriving there made everything very real....I kept thinking thinking this could be it...I could be induced tonight....it really does mess with your psyche a bit. We were checked into triage at around 730pm that night and we're gone again and sent home by 930. They hooked me up to another non-stress test, which am becoming an expert at, and checked Liam's heart. He was doing fine in his breathing,etc. so they felt like because I was showing signs of slight contractions that it was causing me not to feel any movements as well. I hadn't progressed any in my dilation or effacement so they weren't too concerned.
On Monday, we noticed my swelling in my legs/feet had returned even though I've done it all by the book and kept the elevated and stayed off my feet as I have been directed. My BP at home was reaching some funny numbers even after resting as well so we called the doc again and they bumped my appt. from Thursday to Tuesday.
We went in yesterday and met Dr. Rodgers for the first time. She agreed I was swollen again and to keep an eye on it. I had even put on 4 lbs. in just under a week which showed fluid retaining. They decided to redraw my blood work that had been done 2 weeks prior to watch for any changes. I also get the fun task of a 24 hour urine collection starting this morning and until we head back to the doctor again tomorrow. While we were in the office, they decided to go ahead and do another biophysical profile ultrasound (BPP). Liam is now measuring at 7 lbs. 14 oz. and the ultrasound tech said it looks like he's got one big baby buddha belly and short legs...we've got a chunker on our hands and I couldn't be more excited! I keep having to remind myself that technically I still have 2 1/2 weeks left so if I'm not induced before then, our little linebacker will be quite the big boy.
So, that's the update from bed rest for now.....We go to see Dr. Avery again tomorrow and we'll just see what she thinks after blood work comes back,etc.

Liam is stubborn.....

actually mommy is just impatient at this point. We headed back to the doctor today....Saw Dr. Kelly-Jones who is my typical OB-GYN....She reviewed everything that was done last week.
She agrees that the bed rest is doing its job. As much as I hate it, bed rest is best until Liam decides to make his arrival...so today she put me on it until he comes....whenever that may be. It's keeping my blood pressure down and keeping the risk of preeclampsia at bay for now.....It does go up dramatically with activity-even taking a shower or trying to get dressed is making it peak to abnormal levels. So stay in bed stay in bed stay in bed!!! That is hard to hear for someone who doesn't stop and is used to working hard and being active. I am also 2 cm dilated at this point and 80% effaced...that is up from 1cm and 50% last Thursday so obviously he's making his way down the way he's supposed to. She definitely agrees he's a big boy but she doesn't want to induce me if medically she can keep him growing in utero for a bit longer. I have to remember we're still 3 weeks out from our due date....while she did sort of hint that she doesn't think he'll go for the full 40 weeks she also mentioned we're just at wait and see at this point. While I was there, she also wanted to do another Non-Stress Test to see where things stood. While I was having the NST, I started showing signs of having contractions....now that I know what they feel like when she pointed them out, I realize this has been happening for a few days now.....they aren't big contractions or following any pattern yet but definitely my body showing signs of progression. The only other thing of concern was that during the NST, Liam showed signs of having an arrhythmia in his heartbeat....basically skipping a beat or two from time to time. She said today that the Ultrasound we had last week showed this as well but they don't feel like it's anything to be really concerned about-just something to keep an eye on. Of course Adam and I are freaked out but they reassured us he was fine and just to be sure we're having yet another ultrasound done tomorrow at noon. If the ultrasound shows any major changes then we'll reassess. Otherwise, we don't go back to the doctor again until NEXT Thursday.....oh my sanity! Unless of course Liam decided to make his debut in the next few days which at this point would be quite alright with me. So, there is the latest....this boy is growing like a weed and mama's body is exhausted but we're confident that God has this all in His mighty plan and we know that Liam will come when he is ready.
With love from bed rest.....M

God's opinion....

When Adam's mom, Nancy, found out she was pregnant with him, it was during a crazy time for our country in the late 70's and early 80's. She told me how uneasy she felt about bringing a baby into the world during this time but that one phrase always stood out to her. She found a little wooden plaque that had her favorite phrase engraved on its surface and this plaque has been a part of the family for close to 30 years now. When Adam and I started dating, I remember going to his mom's house for the first time and seeing this little plaque sit in the window of her kitchen. I specifically remember it catching my eye and my heart and I asked her to tell me about it for the first time.
As the years passed in our relationship, that little phrase on the plaque stayed in the kitchen window sill as family events happened, holidays passed and the first grandchild was born. Adam's sister Katie, had little Aiden almost 4 years ago now and Nancy decided to pass the plaque onto Katie. She asked Katie to keep it safe and to promise that it would go to the next sister, Maddie, Izzy, or Sarah, that would have a baby.
Fast forward 4 years.....
Adam's sisters and mother gave Liam his first baby shower at my favorite little french bakery in Charlotte. Surrounded by loved ones, I was completely overwhelmed at the day....it was everything I could have hoped for.....and then Katie brought out one more little bag for me to open. I watched tears well up in her eyes as she handed it to me. There was always a running joke that she wouldn't be able to give it up....and she said to me, I finally got up the courage to pass it on. It's your turn now....you have to take care of this.
I really lost it at that point....I looked over and saw Adam's mom, Nancy, crying too...knowing that I was now a part of this story...that Liam's story would carry this family tradition on and that I was the next "sister" in line just made my heart swell. I always thought it would go to one of the twins first...Adam's biological sisters...but not me, not a girl who met a boy that happened to be in this amazing family. I am blessed beyond belief and this little plaque holds more meaning because of it's tradition then Liam will every comprehend. From his daddy's birth and now onto his.....we're carrying on God's will in our lives......

As we drove back from Raleigh for our 2nd baby shower, we stopped along the way to snap a few pics....Adam and I were so excited to find that a random church in our travels had used this same phrase on their church sign.....we just couldn't resist.